Hippy Food

Quinoa was a grain, much prized by the Incas. The conquistadors suppressed its farming, making the natives economically dependent upon them. I've never seen the point of it myself. So it's full of protein...yadda yadda yadda...but just because something's good for you, that's no good reason to eat it. I can certainly think of more appealing things to put in my mouth.

However, Space Girl has asked me what to do with it. Resisting the obvious answer, I've come up with this:

First, cook your quinoa. Space Girl has particularly asked for guidance here, following her notorious cous-cous incident, when she boiled it instead of steaming and ended up with 'cous'. First of all, the grains are coated with a saponin, as soapy substance, so rinse them thoroughly first. The consensus out there seems to be one cup of quinoa to two of water. Simmer gently as with rice until the water is absorbed, then fluff with a fork.

Since it's irredeemably hippy alreadey, I see no reason not to stuff it into peppers. Mix it up with some toasted, flaked almonds and some coarsely-chopped orange, apricot (fresh, not dried) or - my top tip - peach. Add a little salt.

Cut your peppers in half. Stuff 'em with the mix. Bake until soft.

Eat while wearing a caftan and listening to the Incredible String Band.


I have a theory. There's been a lot of too-ing and fro-ing about the Labour Party leadership. First Blair was going soon, now he's not. Here's what I reckon: The deal with Brown was that he was meant to serve two terms max after which, having taken Britain into the Euro, he'd go on to acclaim as EU president. Obviously that's not going to happen. But he's nive and cosy with his pray-pal Dubya, he's rumoured to be about to reverse his position on Kyoto, he's paying lip-service to 3rd world issues and he's banging on about terrorism as a global issue. Kofi Annan retires in a year. Clinton wanted the job, but that wouldn't sit well wit Hilary '08. Step forward Secretary General Blair. Remember, folks...you heard it here first.


Having watched the mighty Dylan documentary, I'm reminded of the time he was playing in Paris one cold November. As he came out of his hotel, a journalist asked hin 'Have you got a good quote, Bob?' To which he replied 'Man, if I had a good quote I'd be wearing it!'

Pumpkin, Honeybunnies.

We’ve done the last recipe of summer (although me runner beans are still running). Now’s the time for the first offering from my autumn almanac.

Roast Pumpkin with Pappardrelle

First catch your pumpkin. Most of the ‘carving pumpkins’ sold in these parts are from Hungary, where they are grown as cattle fodder. Insincere pumpkins. Edible at a pinch – although you may prefer to substitute some kind of more flavoursome, orange-fleshed squash such as butternut or kabocha. Whatever, your first task is to cut it into reasonably sized slices and remove the skin…somehow. I’ve no advice to offer on how best to do this. It’s fucking difficult.

Next, stash your peeled pumpkin bits in a roasting tin and add a handful of cherry tomatoes and a few peeled shallots. Add a little olive oil, salt and pepper and muddle it all around a bit.

Now, the usual wisdom with roast pumpkin involves blasting it at a high temperature. I reckon with this it’s better to cook it longer and slower, possibly sealing the tray with foil, so that everything gets all soft and mingles nicely. Then blast it a bit at the end, so you get scorchy bits.

Once the vegetables are cooked, lightly mash a couple of the tomatoes and pumpkin slices (but leave most whole). Then stir a pot of crème fraîche into the tin. Add a sprig of rosemary. Stick it back into the oven until the crème fraîche bubbles – but don’t overcook so that it goes cheesy.

Remove the rosemary. Serve over cooked pappardrelle – or tagliatelle at a pinch – with the usual scattering of freshly grated parmesan.



There’s a lot of controversy concerning the effects of violence on TV. Now…I was brought up on a constant diet of extremely violent cartoons, yet I didn’t grow up to be a mass murderer. Although I do enjoy dropping anvils on cats.

Tellytubbie Halwa

They were making this in Tinky-Winky’s stomach the over day. It’s desparately easy – think of it as the Asian equivalent of Rice Crispie cakes. Extensive googling suggests it’s known as suji halwa.

First take a heavy-bottomed saucepan. Melt some butter or ghee in it. How much? Depends on how much semolina. I’d say about half the amount by volume of fat to semolina – possibly less. Some recipes suggest an equal amount, but that’s excessive.

Whatever – into your melted butter/ ghee, add the semolina and stir around. Fry up until it goes all tasty and smells of…er…semolina. The oil should separate out a bit.

Meanwhile in advance (?), make some sugar syrup. i.e. bung a bunch of sugar in a separate pan and add just enough water to get it to dissolve. Heat up a little.

Next, pour the syrup into the semolina. You’ll need to get a grown-up to help you with this part because the hot syrup may bubble violently. Actually – it’s probably a good idea to let both the syrup and the semolina cool a little. Add enough syrup to make the semolina hold together as a dough.

Let the mixture cool until you’re able to handle it. Then roll lumps of it into testicle-sized nuggets. ‘Laa-Laa’s balls, Laa-Laa’s balls, Dipsy’s favourite things of all!’ Why testicle-sized, rather than the more conventional walnut sized? Well…how many young children know what a walnut looks like?

Place each ball in one of those paper cases you use for making Rice Crispie cakes. You can decorate them by pressing almonds, cherries, walnuts, dates, etc. into the top. Allow to cool fully and eat.

Options: You can flavour them in various ways by adding:
Ground almonds; chopped pistachios; toasted and processed sesame seeds; raisins; dates. To the syrup, you can add saffron, cardamom, rose or orange flower water.

Further recipes for halwa and many other excellent Indian foods may be found on the wonderful Mamta’s Kitchen site.


Cats have nine lives...which makes them particularly useful for animal experimentation.

Classy broads

The summer is trying to linger on in Pieland. All the same, realistically this is probably the last summer-ish recipe for the season. I cobbled it together to make use of the bounty of my vegetable microplot.

Broad Bean and Leek Quiche

First bake a pastry case blind. Now, I know that some of you out there are culinarily challenged (Shout out to a female fox in NY state. She knows who she is.) so I'll explain a bit. You don't have to poke your eyes out first.

First take a quiche dish (wou know...one of those fluted ceramic ones) or pie tin. Butter and flour it. Then take some shortcut pastry and line it. Ready-made pastry is fine. Another idea, if making your own - and I'm sure you'll find recipes on the web - is not to role it. Shortcut pastry is hard to handle. Instead, stick it in the fridge until nice and cold. Then grate it into the dish and kinda squidge it down so that the bottom and sides are covered. Then stick the dish back into the fridge for a while. Chese pasty could be a good idea here. To bake blind - line the pastry with foil. Put into a medium oven for about 20 mins, remove the foil and give it a few more minutes to dry out.

Now for the filling. In a saucepan, soften some leeks (sliced into 0.5 cm roundels) in a little butter. Remove the leeks but retain the butter. Add a little flour to the butter and cook to a roux. Add some milk and turn it into a white sauce. Don't make too much! You're only after about half a cup. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Put the leeks back in the sauce and continue heating. Throw in a handful of freshly podded broadbeans. In my case, the beans were still growing five minutes before I started - but I'm just showing off. Them's the fellas over yonder.

Next, remove from the heat and stir in sone eggs. How many eggs? Jaysus, I don't know. How big's your quiche dish? I think I used about four for a medium-sized quche. And add a wee tub of Crème fraîche. Pour the filling into the pastry case. Bake in a medium oven for about 45 minutes until it is set and the top lightly browned.

Leave to cool before serving with new potatoes and a salad.


The other day, I was sitting on a park bench doing the newspaper crossword, and who should come and sit next to me but a well-known white rap star. I was stuck on one of the clues, so I asked him, 'Can you think of a synonym for anenome, Eminem?'

Ahfangew.